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You could be a winner!

You could be the winner of this ebook, Second Opinion by Hannah Alexander.

To enter: just comment on this Book Blast in the comment boxes below or send a comment to this address: DebBrammer@gmail.com.

I will choose a winner to receive this ebook at random from all my Book Blast readers who comment in the next three days (before August 10, 2022.)

In my May Book Blast, I gave away Private Justice by Terri Blackstock. The winner was Anna K.  You can see who this month’s winner is in my next Book Blast and read more about Second Opinion at the end of this Book Blast.

Coming September 22, 2022!

This is an exciting time for me! I’ve just finished writing Give It a Go, Book 2 in my New Beginnings series. I should get it back from the proofreader in about a week. Then pre-launch readers will take a look at it after that. I’ll make final changes. On September 22, 2022, I’ll launch it and it will be available to buy as an ebook. Though I’m done with the basic writing, I have many tasks to complete before September 22.

All three books in this series feature Americans partnering with New Zealanders in church planting ministries. I really enjoyed writing this book because the situation really made me think. What would it be like for a non-missionary widow, about fifty, to date a missionary pastor who had lost his wife? What kind of changes would she have to make if the relationship ended in marriage?

 

Pastor Greg needs a new wife, but how can he begin to date when he lives in the goldfish bowl of a mission church, ten thousand miles away from his home in America?

Two years after the death of his beloved wife, Greg finds being a single pastor creates a lot of problems. When a married woman misreads his intentions, Greg feels the Lord leading him to look for a new wife.

Jennifer is happy with her life and job in America and glad to live close to her children and grandchildren. When MacKenzie suggests Jennifer take a puppet team to New Zealand, Jennifer suspects a matchmaking scheme and responds with a definite “uh uh.” No way is she going to fly to New Zealand to throw herself at a missionary pastor she respects him too highly to consider dating. Or is dating even possible in their situation?

When the compelling nature of the mission trip calls to Jennifer, however, she agrees to go, to pass new skills on to mission churches—and nothing else! When Greg asks the unthinkable, will she be willing to give the idea a go, trusting God to lead her down a different path, not knowing where it will lead?

Pre-launch Readers Wanted!

Do you love reading Christian contemporary fiction? Would you enjoy taking part in the publishing process? If your answer is “Yes!” you might want to become one of my pre-launch readers.

Pre-launch readers read a book before it is released so that they can help the author in several ways. Right now, I’m looking for three kinds of pre-launch readers.

  • Review builder (AKA ARC reader): They prepare reviews of my book ahead of publication to post a few days before launch day.
  • Feedback reader (AKA beta reader): They give feedback to me to improve my writing.
  • Buzz group (AKA street team): They share posts and memes during my book launch with social media.

You choose what level of involvement you have in my launch. If it all looks like fun, you can do all three.

Review builders agree to read my book by September 15. (They should receive it by August 16.) They are encouraged, but not required, to post a review of the book at an online bookstore (Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, or Rakuten Kobo) in the week prior to launch day (September 15 to 22.) A review can be as simple as a couple sentences stating what you liked or didn’t like about the book. As an independent author, I greatly appreciate every honest review. If a person really doesn’t enjoy the book and can’t think of anything good to say about it, she is free to bow out, but a review builder shouldn’t feel pressured to give a certain star rating or feel she can only give positive remarks. If you choose to be a review builder, I will guide you to the information you need.

Feedback readers agree to read my book by September 6. (They should receive it by August 16.) They give me feedback about various aspects of the book. A feedback reader is not a proof reader or an editor or even a writer. A feedback reader is someone who reads a book like an average reader and helps the author know what works and what doesn’t. The author considers the comments of her beta readers, considering what changes can be made to make the book stronger before submitting the final form for publication.

 After you read the ebook, you would share your viewpoint as a reader. I’d give you some questions you might want to answer and you could comment on anything in the book that you like or don’t like. When I receive your comments, I would gather comments from all my feedback readers and consider making changes to make the book stronger. I promise to consider the suggestions you make, but I may not make all the changes you suggest or explain my reasoning. If several feedback readers mention the same concerns, I’ll know I need to make changes in those areas.

Buzz group members would agree to share at least some of the posts I share at launch time. This would include memes and posts that show what my book is about and give buy links. I never pressure people to buy my books and buzz group members get to choose which posts they share. At present, I primarily post on Facebook.

 If you choose to be my pre-launch reader, you would receive these benefits:

  • You’d get the first peek at my new book
  • You’d be able to take part in the writing process
  • I would acknowledge you in the book
  • I would gift you the published ebook when it comes out
  • I would send you a small gift to thank you for your participation

If you are interested in becoming one of my Pre-launch readers, please email me at this address: artdebbrammer@gmail.com . I will send you a letter that will give you more details.

Special offer in my next Book Blast:

I will offer Short Poppies, Book 1 in New Beginnings, at one quarter of the regular price! That gives you a chance to read Book 1 before Book 2 comes out.

 Now for the free drawing of Second Opinion by Hannah Alexander.

And the winner is …  It could be you! All you have to do to enter the draw is to leave a comment in one of the comment boxes below or write to me at this address: DebBrammer@gmail.com .

Here’s my review of Second Opinion, #1 in Healing Touch series:

Archer Pierce is the single pastor of Dogwood Springs Baptist Church and also serves as chaplain to the ER department of the local hospital. Lauren McCaffrey is a caring nurse in the ER. Grant Sheldon, a father of twin teenagers, has recently lost his wife, and is struggling to come to terms with her death. This small-town series brings caring church members and caring hospital staff into contact with a hurting community. It deals realistically with church and medical issues and explores the path from romance to marriage with Christian singles who want to please the Lord. I’ve just read this series for the third time and enjoyed this distinctively Christian novel just as much as ever.

I highly recommend this book and this series.

How to Disagree in Church Business Meetings

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dvargg1You hear about the silly church that split over the color of the carpet. “How ridiculous!” you say—until the decorating committee in your church wants a burnt orange carpet and your daughter is planning her upcoming church wedding in bright pink.

I believe the biggest threat to church unity is personalities that see every decision as wrong vs. right, and they’re right! Some issues are moral issues. The virgin birth of Christ, the infallibility of Scripture, eternal security of the believer—these are important doctrinal issues that I could not, in good conscience, compromise. But I’m not talking about moral issues, things that are morally or Scripturally right or wrong.

Most issues are not a matter of right versus wrong, but one of choosing the best way of several options. I may have strong opinions about the color of the kitchen, when to replace the roof, or what kind of water heater to use for the restrooms. But these are not moral issues. One way may last longer, be more cost effective, and work better than another. But neither issue is morally wrong. I have to be prepared to give in on these issues even when the way I think is best is outvoted.

I believe a healthy church business meeting should allow members to voice their opinions on the subject at hand, and to state the reasons for those opinions. Nicely. Decisions should not pit one side against another with one side winning and another losing. Instead ideas should be evaluated on their merits, with members voting for the choice they think is best. Once the vote is taken and a decision is made, members should support the decision, or at least not verbally oppose it. In this way church members can work with each other instead of against each other.

When have I said too much in a church business meeting? I’ve had people ask me this question. The point of the meeting is to discuss issues, find out how people feel, and make good decisions. If you’re concerned that you’re saying too much or saying the wrong things in a business meeting, you might ask yourself these questions:

  • Am I dominating the discussion by saying a lot more than other people?
  • Am I stating my opinions nicely, and giving my reasons for them, without representing my view as the only right view?
  • Do I keep repeating something I’ve already said, even if I use other words, to answer remarks others make?
  • Am I putting the ideas of others down in a personal way that demeans, or am I talking about the pros and cons of any option in a fair way?

Ask God to give you good balance in the comments you make in business meetings. Then your comments can be helpful and loving at the same time.

 

Celebrating Matariki (Maori New Year) as a Christian

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Now that Matariki (the Maori New Year) has become a public holiday in New Zealand, Christians need to be discerning about how they celebrate it. Matariki emphasizes stargazing and family, good things, but as this article points out, the roots of this holiday point to Maori gods. Though many Kiwis find meaning in life from these Maori legends, Christians need to recognize these beings as false gods, an affront to the true God in heaven.  We need to find life’s meaning in the God of the Bible.

If you wish to celebrate Matariki, here are some good ways to do it.

  • Study the stars which God made.
  • Remember that these stars, the Pleiades, were in place when Job 9:9 and Job 38:31were written some 4000 years ago. Thank God for the accuracy of Scripture.
  • Consider Isaiah 40:26 and rejoice in the way God sustains nature, calling out the stars each night.
  • Celebrate the family God has given you and recognize God’s goodness in establishing the family from the beginning of creation.

For more about Maori creation stories see my blog about a parent or teacher’s response to them.

How to Disagree Nicely

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Some people don’t like cautious conversations. They want everyone to just put all their cards on the table and say what they think. That way everyone knows what everyone is thinking and where everyone stands.

I see a problem with this. In an impulsive moment you may say something that you will hardly remember later, and that I can hardly forget. You may feel better about getting it off your chest, but your hurtful words may bring fresh wounds every time I think about it. And if I share my opinion very strongly, once you know how I feel, you may no longer feel free to share a contrary opinion with me. Friendships can be destroyed by a few careless words.

On the other hand, strong friendships are not built on conversations that never pass small talk. We need to allow our friends freedom to disagree with us and to express their opinions. Arguments, however, don’t usually deepen friendships.

Of course, different personalities and backgrounds strongly influence how much difference of opinion we’re comfortable hearing or expressing. No one wants to have her opinions constantly steamrolled by a stronger personality. But we can also be too sensitive, offended by anyone who disagrees with us. Where can we find a healthy balance? How can we build bridges instead of walls?

I believe the answer often lies, not in what we say, but the approach we take in saying it. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.” (NKJV)

I married into a family who is particularly good at giving soft answers. Many times I’ve seen a Brammer handle a ticklish situation in a way that disarmed the tension.  I’ve learned from them some secrets that have taught me what to do in ticklish situations.

Soft answers don’t make for snappy dialog. As a fiction writer I look for direct dialog that gets straight to the point. I search for clever comebacks that drive my points home and make a great sound bites, like you see posted on Facebook. But clever comebacks, funny as they may be, can sometimes hurt friendships. Sometimes an indirect approach de-personalizes an issue and makes it less confrontational.  When I have to confront friends or disagree with them, I try to avoid a direct attack mode which approaches them like an enemy or a child. I look for a way to come alongside them as an equal and offer helpful words.

Do I always achieve this? No. At times I’ve approached someone in a way that I feel is careful and tries to keep an issue small. They see me as being too serious and making a big deal out of it. Even with our best intentions, we can be misunderstood. However, sometimes we’ve seen friends trying to help someone or witness to them or work out a problem. From our perspective outside of the situation we can see that, though their intentions are good, their approach is making the problem worse. They are pushing a person away from them just when they want to do the opposite. Often people ask my husband or I how to say something difficult to someone in a way in which it will likely be well-received.

I’ve listed six different situations you may find yourself in when you disagree with someone. I’ve given possible responses you could use in those situations. This is not to say that my approach will always be the correct one or the only one. But I hope these ideas may be helpful to you when you’re looking for a non-confrontational, friendly approach to conflict. These are ways you can address an issue in a way that may be less likely to harm the relationship.

 Correcting information I believe is wrong

Have you ever been in a conversation with a man and his wife where one is telling the story and the other correcting it?

“For our fifth anniversary, we went to Yellowstone.”

“No, dear. It was our sixth, and we went to Yosemite.”

“I’m sure it was our fifth. Remember Buddy was still in diapers and we stopped at Aunt Helen’s on the way to Yellowstone.”

“No. Sally was in diapers, and it was Aunt Julia.”

“No, dear. That can’t be right …”

You don’t care which national park they went to or who was in diapers. You do want to go home. Soon. The constant corrections about trivial things make the conversation nearly unbearable.  Some people feel if they don’t correct people who say something wrong, their silent listening makes them liars. Actually God never requires us to verbally correct every fact we find questionable.

But what if someone is relating a story in a way that, to me, seems like a lie or a serious misrepresentation? I feel like I must say something.

  •  Direct answer: “That’s a lie, and you know it! That’s not what the person said.”
  •  Soft answer: “I remember the details a little differently than that,” or “I came away with a different slant on the idea.”

Of course some information needs to be corrected. As in, “Actually, doctor, I believe it’s my left leg you need to amputate, not my right one.” But sometimes you hear people relay information that is different than you remember it, but doesn’t need to be corrected. Often mistakes are a matter of a hazy memory rather than dishonesty. Many mistakes just don’t matter.

 Correcting a viewpoint I feel is wrong

But aren’t some issues important enough to need correction?

Here’s a more serious example you could face. Maybe someone states in a church group discussion that they believe abortion is all right in certain circumstances. You and your church take a stand against abortion on Scriptural grounds. A visitor is standing there and you don’t feel it’s right to let the statement stand unchallenged. You don’t want to argue about the topic, but you feel you must say something.

  •  Direct answer: “You’re crazy! That’s just wrong. How can you condone the murder of an innocent child, just because he hasn’t been born yet?”
  •  Soft answer: “I know some circumstances are so difficult that abortion seems to be the answer. But as Christians, I believe we need go back to the sanctity of life. Psalms talks about the way God plans a child’s life even before he’s born. Even in difficult circumstances, I believe we have to respect the life of the unborn the way we would any other person.”

 Correcting a situation that I think needs to be changed

You see someone making a home repair in a way you think will cause problems later on.

  •  Oppositional approach: “What are you doing?  That’s never going to work! Six months from now you’re going to have water all over the place!”
  •  Friendly approach: “How’s it going here? I see you’re working on the kitchen sink. That’s one way of fixing it but, you know, I just wonder if you do it that way if you might have leaks later on. What would happen if you did it another way? It could save a problem farther down the road.”

 Answering someone who is badmouthing someone else

You are listening to your friend relate a confrontation that happened between him and someone else. You want to support your friend, but you also see that your friend may be unknowingly doing something that offends the other person and makes the matter worse.

  •  Take your friend’s side: “You’re right. That person’s a total scumbag. He has no right to treat you that way.”
  •  Take the other person’s side: “You said that to him? No wonder he’s mad at you! That was a really stupid thing to do.”
  •  Help your friend see another perspective: “I can see what you’re saying, but sometimes things can look very different from a different perspective. You may be trying very hard to help him with all the right motives, but he may not want that kind of help. What is important to one person, the next person might not care about at all. What would happen if you said it this way or did it this way?”

 Witnessing to someone who thinks he is good enough to get to heaven on his own

  •  Attack mode: “Have you ever lied or stolen or had impure thoughts about a woman? Then you’re a liar, a thief, and an adulterer! How can you expect God to accept you like that?”
  •  Soft approach: “A lot of people think that way, but the Bible says God is perfect and we’d have to be perfect for him to accept us. If I compare myself to some people, I might feel like I’m a good person, but when I compare myself to God, I realize I do many wrong things. I can never be good enough for God to accept me as I am. I’m glad God has made a way for us to be accepted by him through Jesus who died and took our punishment.

 Keeping a trivial matter from escalating into an argument

Have you ever gotten trapped in a conversation you couldn’t get out of? Maybe you’re discussing gardening, breastfeeding, health food diets, current events, or the latest car models. You state your opinion. She counters that. You tell her why you think you’re right. She tells you why she doesn’t agree. You tell her why her logic is flawed. She tells you why it certainly is not. Soon a trivial matter   has escalated into an argument, or at least a very uncomfortable discussion.  How can you keep this situation from repeating itself?

  •  Confrontational approach: The next time a disagreement starts, you keep smiling, but you make it clear that you’re right and she’s wrong. As she build her case for being right, you match her, point for point, with why you are right. You may lose your friendship, but if you keep up long enough, you win the argument—even if you lose the friendship.
  •  Non-confrontational approach: You listen to her opinion and leave it at that. While you don’t agree with her, you don’t find it necessary to voice that disagreement on an issue that isn’t important. Pretty soon she has made her point, so she moves on to other topics.
  • Controlled approach: You state your opinion nicely and give your reasons for it, but then you quit. When she responds, you don’t have to respond, because you’ve already voiced your opinion. When she continues to voice her opinion you just shrug, say something like, “I understand where you’re coming from,” or “I see what you mean.” If she continues to build her case, you quit building your case and just keep quiet. If she really goes on and on and you see no end in sight, you change the subject. Many arguments build to a dangerous point simply because each person feels the need to keep responding to the other’s comments instead of just stopping when they’ve said what they need to.

I like to watch how others handle difficult situations and learn from them. I hope something in today’s blog may be helpful to you.

Next Time: How to Disagree in Church Business Meetings

 

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Instant winner!

I will choose a winner at random from the first five readers to comment on this Book Blast in the comment boxes below. You can see who the winner is and read more about Private Justice at the end of this Book Blast.

In Private Justice, firefighters and police take risks every day just by showing up for work. These risks bleed into their personal lives when their wives are targeted for murder. Terri Blackstock writes a very suspenseful novel dealing with characters in these occupations just doing their job.

 Real Life Suspense

 Suspense novels usually deal with situations where life and death are at stake. In real life, most people take other kinds of risk. For the Christian, risks are part of the life of faith.

Since my husband and I are missionaries, we’re often invited home to dinner with the pastor of a supporting church. One particular time we were meeting a pastor for the first time. He seemed to be in his early sixties but when we arrived, he and his wife seemed to be unsure about how to serve the dinner. They kept asking each other questions that most couples their age don’t have to ask. They had hardly any pictures hanging on their walls, which seemed a bit odd as well. Then we found out they had only been married two weeks and we were the first guests to be served in their home!

That got me thinking. Sometimes a missionary wife dies and her husband finds he really needs to remarry. How would a missionary in his fifties go about dating someone in his home country which he only visited during short furloughs? And what would it be like for a woman who had never been in fulltime ministry to consider a relationship with a veteran missionary?

These days, while I experience the ups and downs of ministry during Covid and approach retirement age in our ministry, I’m making my fictional characters take risks as well. Since Christmas I’ve been working on the second draft of Give It a Go and pushing my fictional character, Jennifer Titus, into a bungy jump of faith. She has to ask God if he is leading her away from her comfortable life into a new direction. She learns God sometimes leads us away from the well-worn paths that keep us comfortable, into new paths that stretch our faith.

At present I’m about 75% of the way through my second draft. After that comes a final polish and edit, sending it to my proofreader and beta readers, making final changes, and then publication. While I hope to publish it later in the year, Covid continues to change the plans we make. At this point we’re hoping to take a furlough that’s overdue by about two years. I’ve learned I have to be flexible, sometimes changing my life to fit Plan B or C or D.

How about you?

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could see even five years ahead in your future? Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to make plans and decisions, to get some certainty in your life?

 I often feel this way. Lately I’ve been challenged by this quote from Elisabeth Elliot: “There is no grace for your imagination.” My friend, Donna Hart, who lives with ALS every day, continues this quote with her words: “God never promises grace for my desperate peering into the future, when He has told me to concentrate only on today. But God does promise sufficient, overflowing, abundant grace for every real moment of my life, for every trial He leads me through.”

May God give you peace in the struggle you may be facing today, when you want to walk by sight but God asks you to walk by faith.

Here are five inspirational true stories of Christian woman who learned to walk by faith. They had to overcome hardship by trusting God in difficult circumstances. Their stories can encourage us when we face obstacles in our own faith journeys.

Now for the free drawing.

And the winner is … Anna K.

Here’s my review of Private Justice by Terri Blackwell #1 in Newpointe 911 series:

When someone seems intent on murdering the wives of firefighters, Mark Branning has to figure out how to keep his wife alive while his marriage is slowly dying. This book was well written and suspenseful. I especially appreciated the Christian emphasis in this book: the importance of a personal relationship with Christ and regular worship at a local church, daily feeding on God’s word, the dangers of alcohol, and the importance of building your marriage.

This series presents a community of firefighters and police in the town of Newpointe, Louisiana. Many of these characters are also connected to a church whose pastor is a firefighter. I love the community spirit these portray and have given 5*’s to most of them. I highly recommend this series.