Christmas Season for Ministry Couples

I often hear complaints on Facebook about how early stores begin decorating for Christmas and selling products for it. Somehow, it seems like a silly thing to complain about. People can always walk on by and focus on something else. Some people appreciate the early Christmas roll-out because they need to ship presents to loved ones who live far from them. Crafters may need to start projects so they will have time to enjoy Christmas when it comes. Some just enjoy decorating for Christmas early because they love decorating. Where’s the harm?

Maybe I see this differently because I’m an overseas missionary who lives in a country that celebrates Christmas with far less fanfare than America does. My husband, Art, and I have lived in New Zealand now for twenty-five years. Since it doesn’t get dark until about 10 p.m. at Christmas in our city, most people don’t bother putting Christmas lights on their homes. Though New Zealanders cook up a grand Christmas dinner, they don’t decorate nearly as much as Americans. I suppose most countries don’t decorate as much as America does. Some people object to an emphasis on decorating at a time when Christ’s birth should be first and foremost, but I love the decorations. I love it all.

Since our youngest daughter left home early in 2000, our family has only been together for four Christmases. We fly back to America for furlough on November 17, so this year will be the fifth Christmas together. We can’t wait to be together again. We love to cut snowflakes, decorate gingerbread houses and Christmas trees, and drive by lighting displays at night. This year we hope to attend some Christmas programs our grandsons are in. One of my daughters and I share birthdays close to Christmas and that gets thrown into the mix as well. Our other daughter’s church hosts a live nativity scene and lighting outreach each year and this year we get to help. (Maybe they want us to be camels or donkeys??) So. Much. Fun!

Most years we are in charge of the Christmas activities for our New Zealand church. In 1998 our daughter, Lori, played the parts of the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future in my play “No Room for Jesus.” I found ways to include nearly all of our church children and teens in the play, as well as the church choir and a few adults. In more recent years, parents haven’t been as eager to help their kids memorize parts or bring them to practices. It works better to keep it simple: Choir song, gospel message, Christmas Dinner. At first, I found these changes hard to accept. As we moved from an evening program with many participants and a fellowship afterward to a very small program and a dinner, it felt wrong. It felt like no one cared about the programs I worked so hard on, that many just came for the food. On the other hand, this newer model made it much easier for me since I always lead the programs. Most of our church people lead extremely busy lives and driving kids to practices and helping kids memorize lines just adds to that. Having a big dinner together seems to be more what Asians do than children reciting parts, and we have many Asians in our church. I had to accept that our church had changed in many ways over the last twenty-five years. We’ve had to flex with it and find new ways to do ministry.

What’s happening in your church? If you look back a decade or two, you’ve probably had to make changes as well. If you’ve had to simplify Christmas programs and services, you’re not alone. I can tell this from the hits on my website. Every year they multiply rapidly from September to December because people in ministry are searching for ways to involve their church people in an effective outreach. After decades of presenting the Christmas message every year, they are looking for something that gives a fresh slant to Christmas.

I offer nine programs on my website.  Eight of them are free. I also offer three Christmas puppet scripts. They vary greatly in the range of difficulty. Which ones do you think get the most hits?

“Christmas Disaster,” the only program you have to order from a publisher, is a longer play with a few parts that have many memorized lines. At the opposite end of the level of difficulty, “Sounds of Christmas,” a re-enactment of the Christmas story that involves audience participation with rhythm instruments, has no parts to rehearse. If you guessed the simple program gets the most hits, you’re correct. “Sounds of Christmas gets more hits and comments than the others, partly because it is unusual, but also because it takes little work to organize. Sometimes we just have to keep it simple.

The Christmas season is busy and hectic for many people in ministry. For others it means being lonely and far from family. Either way, it can be challenging. We need to balance the ministry expectations of ourselves and others with joy of the season and rejuvenation.  Of course, we all need to focus our thoughts on Christ’s gift of salvation during this season. Christmas gives us unique outreach opportunities. Family and friends are important. But most of us also need to search out some quiet time to rest.

Where can you find that quiet time in a noisy season? How can you rest when your to-do lists seem endless?

We need to make time for rest, and that means different things to different people. My husband and I put jigsaw puzzles together, watch a Christmas movie, and read Christian novels on our e-readers when we need rest. I’m always looking for a new author to follow.

If you’re looking for a new Christian author, right now I’m in a promo with fourteen other Christian authors. If you enjoy reading, consider these Free Clean Christian Reads that will help you find new authors. You’ll find two of mine in this “Light in the Darkness” promotion. All books are free in exchange for joining the author’s newsletter.

Comment below to tell us what your biggest ministry challenge is during this year’s Christmas season. What activities do you do to rest your body, mind and spirit?

 

 

My New Fiction Book about Ministry

If you’re a fiction reader, maybe, like me, you’d like to read a novel about ordinary people in ministries like yours. That kind of book would interest me and since there’s so few of them, I decided to write some. All three of the books in my New Beginnings series are about Americans partnering with New Zealanders in small church ministry. Today I’m going to share what kind ministry themes you’ll find in these books.

 

Short Poppies

Last December I launched Book 1 in my New Beginnings series, Short Poppies.

What’s it about? New Zealand sounds more like a tourist destination than a mission field, but when Levi is thrust into a short term ministry there, things aren’t as easy as he expected.

These themes are explored in Short Poppies:

  • Finding God’s will in marriage and career
  • The differences in leadership styles for big and small churches
  • How to measure your ministry when you see few results
  • Servant leadership

I am waiting until Book 3 is published before I release the print book, but you can buy the ebook version of Short Poppies here for 99 cents during September 2022. (Sometimes Amazon raises the price a bit, and authors have no control over that.)

Give It a Go

This week I’ve released Book 2 in the series, Give It a Go.

 What’s it about? Pastor Greg needs a new wife, but how can he begin to date when he lives in the goldfish bowl of a mission church, ten thousand miles away from his home in America?

These themes are explored in Give It a Go.

  • Finding God’s will when life changes direction
  • Being sensitive to God’s leading in relationships
  • The need for accountability and encouragement (Isolation is dangerous.)
  • Taking risks and stepping out in faith

I am waiting until Book 3 is published before I release the print book, but you can buy the ebook of Give It a Go here.

Pop In for a Cuppa

I have already written the first draft for this book and hope to release it in 2023.

What’s it about? At fifty-two, Jennifer has never felt called to missions, but dating veteran missionary Greg Fischer makes her rethink almost every area of her life.

In this book, Jennifer chooses to work with two women from very different backgrounds.  One of the women has escaped from Gloriavale.

In 2019 my husband and I became aware of a couple of families who had left Gloriavale, a “Christian cult” commune, had become Christians, and were attending a sister church of ours. We began to pray for others to leave the commune and find true salvation by faith alone. This year, after finishing my first draft, Gloriavale has been thrust into the media spotlight. Right now the court is considering a second case that challenges whether the residents, who give all their income to the church and work almost like slaves, should be treated as employees or volunteers. You can read more about it in this article, one of many on the topic.

The Joys of Small Church Ministry


My Experience in Small Church Ministry

 Back in the 1970’s, as a student at Faith Baptist Bible College, I was part of a debate team that debated the benefits of small churches versus large churches. I don’t know if a winning side was declared, but I came away feeling like our team won. Of course, large churches have their own advantages, but I had grown up in small churches. None of them had an attendance of over 150 people. Some had less than 100. I knew from experience that small churches often provided more opportunities to serve than large churches.

As a teenager, I taught Bible stories to kids, played the piano for church, helped with children’s church, and sang in church choir. My pastor dad started several churches during those years and I didn’t just sit on the sidelines. I got to do stuff.

My husband and I served as missionaries in Taiwan from 1980 to 1996. We learned to speak Taiwanese and we helped start two Chinese churches. In that ministry I not only taught ESL Bible classes, I wrote lessons which continue to be used today as ESL ministries download them off my website. That was small church ministry, but it was quite different from the average American ministry.

Since 1998 my husband and I have served as pastor and wife of a mission church in New Zealand.  This ministry is a lot like small church ministry in the States. I got to start our Discovery Club from scratch, and direct Christmas programs and puppet shows which I wrote. During our “What a World of Wonders” theme, Art and I got to dress of as an Egyptian Pharoah and princess. For the short time they were living at home, our daughters got to do stuff at church too. Lori led our puppet team for a year and a half.

Why wouldn’t you want to do stuff?

 Serving the Lord is a privilege. Why wouldn’t every Christian want to do stuff for God in a church ministry? God equips us with spiritual gifts to serve him. He prepares us for ministry and leads us to opportunities to serve him that make a difference. Yes, we need to balance the areas of our life, but It makes no sense to throw all that away when we can seize the opportunities before us.

 Benefits of Small Church Ministry

While small churches don’t fit everyone, this is what I see. Working with small churches is a very personal ministry. You can get to know, at least to some degree, every person who attends church regularly. The pastor and his wife know every child or teenager and have a personal relationship with them. Several of our church people in New Zealand have told us something like this: “Our children will always remember you. You’ve taught them a lot of things that have changed their lives.” Words like this make serving in church ministry worth all the effort.

Encouragement for Small Church Ministry

Of course, all churches have ups and downs. Maybe you’re in one of those down times and you see few visible results for your ministry. How can you stay encouraged at times like this?

In my book, Short Poppies, Levi comes to work in a small church ministry in New Zealand. His background in ministry is very different from this mission ministry and he has to deal with several issues that are common in small church ministry. One question haunts him from the beginning: How can I be sure my ministry is effective if I can’t measure it?

At the risk of spoiling the plot, I’ll give you a pastor’s answer: Pouring your life into people is always worthwhile, whether you can measure the results or not.

If that’s not enough, remember God’s promise in 1 Corinthians 15:58. “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” (NKJV) As we do God’s work in his way, he is using our labor, even when we don’t see visible results from it.

Short Poppies, Book 1 in my New Beginnings series, deals with small church issues on a mission field similar in many ways to the US. It is available during September 2022 for 99 cents. See my next blog when I launch Book 2 on September 22.

You can buy Short Poppies here  on Amazon and here at other online stores. (I have set the price at .99, but sometimes Amazon changes prices on authors without notification. Thanks for understanding if the price is slightly higher.)

How about you?

Which of these ministries have you performed in a small church setting on a regular basis? How do you keep the joy in your ministry?

  1. Preached a sermon
  2. Taught a class
  3. Played the piano or another instrument
  4. Led game time
  5. Served as a Deacon, Trustee, or other church officer
  6. Entertained groups in your home
  7. Provided transportation to church activities

How to Disagree in Church Business Meetings

dvargg1You hear about the silly church that split over the color of the carpet. “How ridiculous!” you say—until the decorating committee in your church wants a burnt orange carpet and your daughter is planning her upcoming church wedding in bright pink.

I believe the biggest threat to church unity is personalities that see every decision as wrong vs. right, and they’re right! Some issues are moral issues. The virgin birth of Christ, the infallibility of Scripture, eternal security of the believer—these are important doctrinal issues that I could not, in good conscience, compromise. But I’m not talking about moral issues, things that are morally or Scripturally right or wrong.

Most issues are not a matter of right versus wrong, but one of choosing the best way of several options. I may have strong opinions about the color of the kitchen, when to replace the roof, or what kind of water heater to use for the restrooms. But these are not moral issues. One way may last longer, be more cost effective, and work better than another. But neither issue is morally wrong. I have to be prepared to give in on these issues even when the way I think is best is outvoted.

I believe a healthy church business meeting should allow members to voice their opinions on the subject at hand, and to state the reasons for those opinions. Nicely. Decisions should not pit one side against another with one side winning and another losing. Instead ideas should be evaluated on their merits, with members voting for the choice they think is best. Once the vote is taken and a decision is made, members should support the decision, or at least not verbally oppose it. In this way church members can work with each other instead of against each other.

When have I said too much in a church business meeting? I’ve had people ask me this question. The point of the meeting is to discuss issues, find out how people feel, and make good decisions. If you’re concerned that you’re saying too much or saying the wrong things in a business meeting, you might ask yourself these questions:

  • Am I dominating the discussion by saying a lot more than other people?
  • Am I stating my opinions nicely, and giving my reasons for them, without representing my view as the only right view?
  • Do I keep repeating something I’ve already said, even if I use other words, to answer remarks others make?
  • Am I putting the ideas of others down in a personal way that demeans, or am I talking about the pros and cons of any option in a fair way?

Ask God to give you good balance in the comments you make in business meetings. Then your comments can be helpful and loving at the same time.

 

How to Disagree Nicely

Some people don’t like cautious conversations. They want everyone to just put all their cards on the table and say what they think. That way everyone knows what everyone is thinking and where everyone stands.

I see a problem with this. In an impulsive moment you may say something that you will hardly remember later, and that I can hardly forget. You may feel better about getting it off your chest, but your hurtful words may bring fresh wounds every time I think about it. And if I share my opinion very strongly, once you know how I feel, you may no longer feel free to share a contrary opinion with me. Friendships can be destroyed by a few careless words.

On the other hand, strong friendships are not built on conversations that never pass small talk. We need to allow our friends freedom to disagree with us and to express their opinions. Arguments, however, don’t usually deepen friendships.

Of course, different personalities and backgrounds strongly influence how much difference of opinion we’re comfortable hearing or expressing. No one wants to have her opinions constantly steamrolled by a stronger personality. But we can also be too sensitive, offended by anyone who disagrees with us. Where can we find a healthy balance? How can we build bridges instead of walls?

I believe the answer often lies, not in what we say, but the approach we take in saying it. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.” (NKJV)

I married into a family who is particularly good at giving soft answers. Many times I’ve seen a Brammer handle a ticklish situation in a way that disarmed the tension.  I’ve learned from them some secrets that have taught me what to do in ticklish situations.

Soft answers don’t make for snappy dialog. As a fiction writer I look for direct dialog that gets straight to the point. I search for clever comebacks that drive my points home and make a great sound bites, like you see posted on Facebook. But clever comebacks, funny as they may be, can sometimes hurt friendships. Sometimes an indirect approach de-personalizes an issue and makes it less confrontational.  When I have to confront friends or disagree with them, I try to avoid a direct attack mode which approaches them like an enemy or a child. I look for a way to come alongside them as an equal and offer helpful words.

Do I always achieve this? No. At times I’ve approached someone in a way that I feel is careful and tries to keep an issue small. They see me as being too serious and making a big deal out of it. Even with our best intentions, we can be misunderstood. However, sometimes we’ve seen friends trying to help someone or witness to them or work out a problem. From our perspective outside of the situation we can see that, though their intentions are good, their approach is making the problem worse. They are pushing a person away from them just when they want to do the opposite. Often people ask my husband or I how to say something difficult to someone in a way in which it will likely be well-received.

I’ve listed six different situations you may find yourself in when you disagree with someone. I’ve given possible responses you could use in those situations. This is not to say that my approach will always be the correct one or the only one. But I hope these ideas may be helpful to you when you’re looking for a non-confrontational, friendly approach to conflict. These are ways you can address an issue in a way that may be less likely to harm the relationship.

 Correcting information I believe is wrong

Have you ever been in a conversation with a man and his wife where one is telling the story and the other correcting it?

“For our fifth anniversary, we went to Yellowstone.”

“No, dear. It was our sixth, and we went to Yosemite.”

“I’m sure it was our fifth. Remember Buddy was still in diapers and we stopped at Aunt Helen’s on the way to Yellowstone.”

“No. Sally was in diapers, and it was Aunt Julia.”

“No, dear. That can’t be right …”

You don’t care which national park they went to or who was in diapers. You do want to go home. Soon. The constant corrections about trivial things make the conversation nearly unbearable.  Some people feel if they don’t correct people who say something wrong, their silent listening makes them liars. Actually God never requires us to verbally correct every fact we find questionable.

But what if someone is relating a story in a way that, to me, seems like a lie or a serious misrepresentation? I feel like I must say something.

  •  Direct answer: “That’s a lie, and you know it! That’s not what the person said.”
  •  Soft answer: “I remember the details a little differently than that,” or “I came away with a different slant on the idea.”

Of course some information needs to be corrected. As in, “Actually, doctor, I believe it’s my left leg you need to amputate, not my right one.” But sometimes you hear people relay information that is different than you remember it, but doesn’t need to be corrected. Often mistakes are a matter of a hazy memory rather than dishonesty. Many mistakes just don’t matter.

 Correcting a viewpoint I feel is wrong

But aren’t some issues important enough to need correction?

Here’s a more serious example you could face. Maybe someone states in a church group discussion that they believe abortion is all right in certain circumstances. You and your church take a stand against abortion on Scriptural grounds. A visitor is standing there and you don’t feel it’s right to let the statement stand unchallenged. You don’t want to argue about the topic, but you feel you must say something.

  •  Direct answer: “You’re crazy! That’s just wrong. How can you condone the murder of an innocent child, just because he hasn’t been born yet?”
  •  Soft answer: “I know some circumstances are so difficult that abortion seems to be the answer. But as Christians, I believe we need go back to the sanctity of life. Psalms talks about the way God plans a child’s life even before he’s born. Even in difficult circumstances, I believe we have to respect the life of the unborn the way we would any other person.”

 Correcting a situation that I think needs to be changed

You see someone making a home repair in a way you think will cause problems later on.

  •  Oppositional approach: “What are you doing?  That’s never going to work! Six months from now you’re going to have water all over the place!”
  •  Friendly approach: “How’s it going here? I see you’re working on the kitchen sink. That’s one way of fixing it but, you know, I just wonder if you do it that way if you might have leaks later on. What would happen if you did it another way? It could save a problem farther down the road.”

 Answering someone who is badmouthing someone else

You are listening to your friend relate a confrontation that happened between him and someone else. You want to support your friend, but you also see that your friend may be unknowingly doing something that offends the other person and makes the matter worse.

  •  Take your friend’s side: “You’re right. That person’s a total scumbag. He has no right to treat you that way.”
  •  Take the other person’s side: “You said that to him? No wonder he’s mad at you! That was a really stupid thing to do.”
  •  Help your friend see another perspective: “I can see what you’re saying, but sometimes things can look very different from a different perspective. You may be trying very hard to help him with all the right motives, but he may not want that kind of help. What is important to one person, the next person might not care about at all. What would happen if you said it this way or did it this way?”

 Witnessing to someone who thinks he is good enough to get to heaven on his own

  •  Attack mode: “Have you ever lied or stolen or had impure thoughts about a woman? Then you’re a liar, a thief, and an adulterer! How can you expect God to accept you like that?”
  •  Soft approach: “A lot of people think that way, but the Bible says God is perfect and we’d have to be perfect for him to accept us. If I compare myself to some people, I might feel like I’m a good person, but when I compare myself to God, I realize I do many wrong things. I can never be good enough for God to accept me as I am. I’m glad God has made a way for us to be accepted by him through Jesus who died and took our punishment.

 Keeping a trivial matter from escalating into an argument

Have you ever gotten trapped in a conversation you couldn’t get out of? Maybe you’re discussing gardening, breastfeeding, health food diets, current events, or the latest car models. You state your opinion. She counters that. You tell her why you think you’re right. She tells you why she doesn’t agree. You tell her why her logic is flawed. She tells you why it certainly is not. Soon a trivial matter   has escalated into an argument, or at least a very uncomfortable discussion.  How can you keep this situation from repeating itself?

  •  Confrontational approach: The next time a disagreement starts, you keep smiling, but you make it clear that you’re right and she’s wrong. As she build her case for being right, you match her, point for point, with why you are right. You may lose your friendship, but if you keep up long enough, you win the argument—even if you lose the friendship.
  •  Non-confrontational approach: You listen to her opinion and leave it at that. While you don’t agree with her, you don’t find it necessary to voice that disagreement on an issue that isn’t important. Pretty soon she has made her point, so she moves on to other topics.
  • Controlled approach: You state your opinion nicely and give your reasons for it, but then you quit. When she responds, you don’t have to respond, because you’ve already voiced your opinion. When she continues to voice her opinion you just shrug, say something like, “I understand where you’re coming from,” or “I see what you mean.” If she continues to build her case, you quit building your case and just keep quiet. If she really goes on and on and you see no end in sight, you change the subject. Many arguments build to a dangerous point simply because each person feels the need to keep responding to the other’s comments instead of just stopping when they’ve said what they need to.

I like to watch how others handle difficult situations and learn from them. I hope something in today’s blog may be helpful to you.

Next Time: How to Disagree in Church Business Meetings